I wish I had more control over myself than I actually do. It sucks when you know what’s right and you know what you have to do but when it comes down to it, you simply don’t have the strength to make the right decisions. It sucks even more when you turn around and you want to break down but you can’t… it’s not that I don’t have people that I can trust. I have people that I know will always be there and they probably know me better than I know myself. It’s just hard because I don’t normally open up; I don’t like being vulnerable and weak. I have the right people by my side but the problem lies within myself. One of my biggest issues is that I get easily overwhelmed by people and when I get too close to them I end up pushing everyone away. I wish I wasn’t like that but it’s one of those things that I can’t help. This doesn’t change the fact that I am so unbelievably thankful for those around me; my family, my sisters, my friends… some things are just are meant to be dealt with alone so they can build strength and character.
I have always despised girls that lose themselves over any guy. I hate that I let myself become a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to this. Maybe this is karma trying to let me experience some of the things those girls have been through just so I know how hard it is and maybe I would stop being so judgmental. I guess it worked? Except I still think it’s stupid and ridiculous and completely UNNECESSARY for us to let a guy affect us that way. Girls are the more emotional species and that’s our disadvantage. But we’re also the SMARTER ones and that should counteract any disadvantages. Here’s a quote to live by.. “The power of all relationships lies with the one who cares less.” No it’s not because I’m bitter.. lol well not completely. But it’s true. Kudos to those who are ridiculously happy in relationships and are obliviously ecstatic in their “invincible” little bubble of love. Yes, I believe in happily ever after. It’s just not for me. In the end, boys will always be [boys] and no matter how well-trained he seems to be for now, they only think with one head and it’s, more often than not, in their pants. Whether I’ll take my own advice or not is still a mystery but for now… “Eventually all the pieces will fall into place… until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason.”
